my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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