return my video game
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
MIDGETS
????
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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