i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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