he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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