Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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