Christians are straight up FREAKS
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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