oh god the rape fog is back!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
