After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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