Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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