The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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