Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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