Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
