I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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