i think i have two assholes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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