GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
