I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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