Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
