come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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