Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
