you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize