; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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