i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
