I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
