I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
