I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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