Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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