Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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