I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
