whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
