I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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