Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
