your parents love me but you hate me
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
