Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
