her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Randomize
