Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
