Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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