I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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