Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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