I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
