I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
