i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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