Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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