Me. At least after what I've been through.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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