he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize