some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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