That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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