Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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