why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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