i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
