i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
