KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
