He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
birth control should be required to get into college
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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