He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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