Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
