Your dad touched me again.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize