Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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