Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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