It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think I won the penis lottery.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
