So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
