so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
