i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
