The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
