i will never coherently bang her
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
