I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
