Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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