I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
